my month’s worth of insanity should come to an end when I finally decide to cut the drama out of me. but not for now; I feel like my unhappy aura is one with the world: i am a dark cloud, a stray storm, a falling star. whenever the sun sets, i say goodbye to it like a little child seeing a passing airplane, as if i was oblivious to the fact that it’ll come back tomorrow.

of course i know that sunrises never fail, but what if its us who doesn’t come back?

over a cup of savory warm Sunday breeze i take time to thank the world for letting me play a part in a drama flick called life. i didn’t know i was supposed to play the role of a hopeless romantic lost in the awkwardness of rediscovering affection; that still beats any other role in my opinion. not everybody gets to relive the drama of a lonely river or a limping grasshopper. i am like both of them, and much more.

i think i need a good dose of comfort food like ice cream and the likes, but i have no appetite for them at all. it’s like wanting something you really can’t handle after all… sure I can handle a bit of some sort of special attention, but never the burden of trying to change a heart that cannot be mine.

ive been a bit lighter these days. Aside from missing meals out of the absence of appetite, ive been walking around more without a real direction. the average mass of a normal heart is around 250-350 grams.. im missing out about the same mass plus a bit more. im definitely walking without a beat.

despite the lack of beat ill still be dancing to the music of the world. It’s a bit of jazz and soul and rock and roll, and some alcohol might do the trick of deterring self-concealment. we all wear a mask of what we really want to become. from now on until i become sober, I’ll wear nothing… it’s because i seriously want to be nothing for a while.

Emo thought of the day:
Dont you ever wish your lawn was emo so it could cut itself on its own?

And some emo public service reminder: 

i am grateful to the universe for playing an unfair game with me… if not for that id be a stagnant soul thinking that the world is full of beautiful things, and only beautiful things.

i never realized there are things which exceed my current idea of what beautiful is. just like you.

ive been bouncing back and forth between worlds because im so good in pretending im just fine. a year ago ive been out of school for some mysterious reasons.. a year from now i could be walking on the moon. the trick is to never think how.

here are some special mechanics just in case you want to play a sort of Russian Roulette with the universe.

• Know what one desires and ask the universe for it. (The “universe” is mentioned broadly, stating that it can be anything the individual envisions it to be, from God to an unknown source of energy.)
• Focus one’s thought upon the thing desired with great feeling such as enthusiasm or gratitude.
• Feel and behave as if the object of one’s desire is already acquired.
• Be open to receiving it.

And some tips from somebody who just lost a huge wager.

• Never, as in never ever bet your heart; and
• The universe is unfair – never expect an easy ride. You might want to cheat to win.
I never cheated; i thought i had some fighting chance when in reality, ive lost when i havent even played just yet.

The name of the game is “the law of attraction”. Good Luck.

Thats it for now. Hakuna matata.

rR
-la la land