After two long years with wordpress, I finally decided that it’s time to go and find my luck somewhere else.

My new home? www.bathtubspacemachine.blogspot.com

See you ’round.

in the face of the lonely night
i cannot get myself to write
amidst numerous inspired attempts
   on lamenting flowers, torn leaves
   on autumn papers, strewn all over
   fallen from a fruitless heart

through the moonlit air, i am watching-
   lonely lillies floating by - sadly
   in a gloomy pond of fleeting memories
i too am floating, lost like i am
   when i am in your smile
with you in my thoughts i cannot sleep
much less get myself to write

i cannot get myself to write - everything is in a sweet mess
the face of the night looks like the sea, of love, as they say
   and i am ready to fall into the lips of the sky
   to drown myself in it
i sleep in the morning, when the stars are gone
   and i am done wishing
and when the sky is grey, i am blue
  you resemble the rain, but it is I
    who falls over and over again... for you. 

in a sweet mess it seems, that i am deeply stuck in
 this poem has caught up with irony,
   on the road opposite to what it seemed to be all about
i never wanted to write anyway
just tell you things, things
   i (really) love (telling) you

Out of boredom, I thought of getting a haircut this morning. No other reason really, except that my head just didn’t feel right.

 I came to class a bit late this morning. I woke up a bit late today and I’m not so sure if I’m already awake – perhaps I’m just in some sort of astral projection, or some high definition dreaming with surround sound technology.

I can hear the world loud and clear and I can’t help but reply…

Yeah, I love u too youniverse!

Today is January 21. It’s amazing how three weeks can fly by without a drag. That was one good ride, and it’s good that I don’t have to wait for time. Each and every passing moment brings me to the future… although if everything right this very moment suddenly becomes a mere part of my yesterdays, id be drowning with what-ifs, what-nots and what-have-yous. Whatever.

Behind me, a couple of benches away, there’s a girl sitting all by herself. Funny thought that even two benches apart can mean a big deal of silence in between. Well actually, I don’t know her anyway. Even if I did, I wouldn’t break any sort of silence right now. For one, I’m the shy type, plus it’s not every day that I have my whole world for myself. I’m starting to love this, when the only thing I’ll have to bother myself with is

 

(You should get the picture, or the lack thereof.)

And of course, occasional episodes of thinking about someone.

 

Its Wednesday today, right smack in the middle of the week and it feels like it’s going to be a long one… So how about a cup of coffee when it’s all done?
 

 

half awake, half superhuman,
RR

 

 

P.S.

if i were a falling star,

    youd be a meteor garden.

ive fallen for you,

              over a thousand times now…

 

 

they say only fools rush in…

i know ive been a fool all my life -

 

but why am i finding it so hard to be one right now…?

That’s almost 3 months of digital silence worth nothing and I’m missing you all (miss-ING because i miss you all, all the time anyway). oh well i could be slightly out of touch but I’m hoping that the way i touched you in all sorts of ways lasted all the way from 08. you probably felt me brush your shoulder or come across your busy mind once in a while for the stories we shared – i hope you do remember me for the write reasons.

by the way, id like to greet everyone a belated merry Christmas and a happy new year. i still have my Christmas wish list hanging on my sub-conscious, so for anybody who might want to do something good and share something wonderful, late is just a state of mind and any day is a perfect day to make somebody happy. =P

I stumbled upon a Buddha quote on late night TV last week:

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.”

for all the good reasons i could probably muster, this one got me to force myself to write something new after almost three months. for about sometime, i loathed the pen and paper approach for a few earthly excuses – a combination of eccentric swerves, some moments of yearning for emotional silence, and a whole lot of nothingness.

and so now that im over it, i reckon it’s all in the mind, and in the hands too! those days, nothing seems to be right in my left hand (this one’s classic =P)… and in my write hand, i can’t get some sort of a lift (i hope this one makes sense… ).

i seem to wonder – whatever happened to the words inside my head, the fancy stories i made up, and the love I wanted to share? i really don’t know… probably drowned in a pool of alcohol, or something else gooey. It’s just like a game of cards really, and i haven’t been up to the idea of playing my hand well. it was something like, somebody dealt me the king and queen of hearts, which was at least a good idea. I’m not so sure if i wanted to call it, or give it up, but raising the whole point up was a good idea nonetheless; wishing that it wouldn’t turn out to be just a flop.

i hope you got that one – I’m a big-game-gambler by nature, occasionally playing against the big guns like love and luck.

and so i realized that even if I’m a jack(ass) and you’re a queen if we were dealt together, we’d still make a good pair.

A week into the new year and I’m still not feeling the vibe anyhow. I’ve been expecting an upbeat first few days but it looks like the universe has some other plans. it was nostalgic though, to say the least, even more nostalgic now that ive seen everything to be just the same. the year changed but some things just refuse to evolve  with it. and although i promised myself myself to start acting on some improvements and changes, there’s that rule that just wouldn’t change – id still make promises id end up breaking.

Anyway, on the other side of the golden coin, I’m still your upbeat neighbor willing to go through a lot of things just to get noticed. You’re such a hot neighbor i should start loving thy neighbor as i love chocolate.

And that love goes for every single one of you. take note, “single”…

• • •

bola-bola

Everyone, I’d like you to meet bola-bola, the cat in my hat, or head… whatever. You could read more of her in here.

By the way, she’s not hindu. That red mark is her siopao destiny showing..

I’m today’s perfect prank

horoscope for today:

Today your sense of humor is in full force, and likely to be the most effective tool toward lighting up a tiny spark of romance in someone’s eye. So that means it’s a great day to flirt! Start a conversation with a funny observation and get the laughter flowing. There is nothing wrong with encouraging a flirtatious energy with a stranger, even — it’s only good fun, and as long as you don’t make any promises that you don’t intend to keep, it’s perfectly polite too.

i just got punk’d.

the other morning i woke up with an unusually heavy bladder. this wasn’t the usual ring i receive whenever nature calls as it was a bit of tingly, urgent, and somewhat momentous. so i had to pick myself up double the time only to find myself looking blankly at the door of the comfort room, closed and in the blank spaces where the door didn’t actually want to meet the door jam, orange light crept through. despite my drunken demeanor I didn’t find it hard to realize that my only refuge was the yard.

i greeted one of the trees with a warm and wet good morning. it was good for sure; urine is 95% water anyway plus I’m an advocate for giving something back to the earth.

when i walked my way back to my room so i could go back to la-la-land, the door was still shut and the light seemingly got a bit intense. it was weird for the fact that no noise whatsoever came from the inside, and fearing that somebody might have had too much to poo to the extent that the agony had nothing to produce but silence, i annoyingly knocked on the door and mumbled things i know i wouldnt remember – what can i do? i was half awake and half a sentence seemed too hard to achieve.

my stupidity struck me when i tried turning the knob in an attempt to hurry whoever was inside, but the knob gave way and i somehow realized the magic inside. as i was opening the door, the red-yellow light got brighter, and lo and behold, it was the mighty sun shining through that little window the comfort room uses to breathe – bathing the whole space with that divine-ish orange magnificence.

it was sufficiently astounding to make me realize how tricky things can get. although it wasn’t enough to completely wake me up, it was more than enough to remind me how tricky this world is, and that my instincts was nothing more than a blind guess and a bold move to try win every game i play – but we can’t win it all, especially since it’s the game that plays with us once in a while.

***

a week into the semestral break and I’m already wishing that school just went on and on and on and on. Its stressful to be stuck in the act of counting how much of nothing has been done – I’m seriously bored and stressed in the same breathe.

that, despite the vastness of time and space under my mercy, is the case. Come tomorrow, I’ll still be on the prowl for something awesome to do. I’m hoping to write to you again, or maybe we can talk over a cup of 3-in-1 coffee, or just spend the time lying on the beach, cloud watching and trying to pretend that I’m just a stone named romance and you are a sort of a beautiful intangible we all call love. Let’s make believe you really exist.

i left my girlfriend in Bohol.

-RR
in your world but never in you heart…

my month’s worth of insanity should come to an end when I finally decide to cut the drama out of me. but not for now; I feel like my unhappy aura is one with the world: i am a dark cloud, a stray storm, a falling star. whenever the sun sets, i say goodbye to it like a little child seeing a passing airplane, as if i was oblivious to the fact that it’ll come back tomorrow.

of course i know that sunrises never fail, but what if its us who doesn’t come back?

over a cup of savory warm Sunday breeze i take time to thank the world for letting me play a part in a drama flick called life. i didn’t know i was supposed to play the role of a hopeless romantic lost in the awkwardness of rediscovering affection; that still beats any other role in my opinion. not everybody gets to relive the drama of a lonely river or a limping grasshopper. i am like both of them, and much more.

i think i need a good dose of comfort food like ice cream and the likes, but i have no appetite for them at all. it’s like wanting something you really can’t handle after all… sure I can handle a bit of some sort of special attention, but never the burden of trying to change a heart that cannot be mine.

ive been a bit lighter these days. Aside from missing meals out of the absence of appetite, ive been walking around more without a real direction. the average mass of a normal heart is around 250-350 grams.. im missing out about the same mass plus a bit more. im definitely walking without a beat.

despite the lack of beat ill still be dancing to the music of the world. It’s a bit of jazz and soul and rock and roll, and some alcohol might do the trick of deterring self-concealment. we all wear a mask of what we really want to become. from now on until i become sober, I’ll wear nothing… it’s because i seriously want to be nothing for a while.

Emo thought of the day:
Dont you ever wish your lawn was emo so it could cut itself on its own?

And some emo public service reminder: 

i am grateful to the universe for playing an unfair game with me… if not for that id be a stagnant soul thinking that the world is full of beautiful things, and only beautiful things.

i never realized there are things which exceed my current idea of what beautiful is. just like you.

ive been bouncing back and forth between worlds because im so good in pretending im just fine. a year ago ive been out of school for some mysterious reasons.. a year from now i could be walking on the moon. the trick is to never think how.

here are some special mechanics just in case you want to play a sort of Russian Roulette with the universe.

• Know what one desires and ask the universe for it. (The “universe” is mentioned broadly, stating that it can be anything the individual envisions it to be, from God to an unknown source of energy.)
• Focus one’s thought upon the thing desired with great feeling such as enthusiasm or gratitude.
• Feel and behave as if the object of one’s desire is already acquired.
• Be open to receiving it.

And some tips from somebody who just lost a huge wager.

• Never, as in never ever bet your heart; and
• The universe is unfair – never expect an easy ride. You might want to cheat to win.
I never cheated; i thought i had some fighting chance when in reality, ive lost when i havent even played just yet.

The name of the game is “the law of attraction”. Good Luck.

Thats it for now. Hakuna matata.

rR
-la la land